no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
I need moral support for this bender
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
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