Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
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