problem. drunk. stepbrother hitting on me again. help.
I found my old addy guy via fb who clearly understands the supply and demand curve of addy during finals so he's gonna hook me up.
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
Randomize
