I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
Randomize
