You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
Randomize
