If it makes you feel better, you're better at taking it in than ass than she is...
Well...yeah actually, that does make me feel better
totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
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