I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Randomize
