Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
Randomize
