I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
Floor bacon is actually really good
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
Randomize
