Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
Randomize
