I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
susan atkins died, charles manson's lady
dont cry, there are other serial killers to crush on.
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
its coolsest when we hear the beat in our water bottles. and the likghts are in his eyes now. oh holland
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
Randomize
