No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
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Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
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