I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
I enjoy the company of your penis
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