I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
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