just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
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