all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
It's blow job season.
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
Randomize
