Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
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