I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
Randomize
