Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
Is it 'vaginas' or 'vaginae?'. Either way there were a shit ton of them.
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
Where are you guys?
Drunk
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
Randomize
