Yeah....I really appreciate it....I didn't even get it from hooking up....lame, atleast if a girl gets u sick when u r hooking up it was fun in its inception...
Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
Come see our sink grown plant.
I know eh? If a man wants to pay 7 bucks to see some boobies he should be allowed to do so in peace.
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
Randomize
