watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
the wall and i were having dominance issues.
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
so much tequila, so little girl.
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
Randomize
