and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
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