im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
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