I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
Ohh the wonderful, yet disgusting things she can do with her hair
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
Randomize
