it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
so then she threw up in his asshole
yep..that'll do it.
Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
Randomize
