It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
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