Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
Why is your signature on my underwear?
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
I'm not sure if doing him was such a good idea. Yes the sex was good, but I'm scared I set myself up for failure in 2011 because he's the hottest guy. Ever.
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
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