finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
Randomize
