She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
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