I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
She should get an extra 30 days for that Georgia Rule movie......terrible.
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
Randomize
