I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
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