Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
Randomize
