The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
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