whats the name of the jew you used to have sex with that lives on evergreen?
be more specific...?
We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
Honestly it's a super power. I can try it a million different ways and nothing happens. Donnie casually says "ok this is now a toppless party" and it all kicks-off
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
Randomize
