just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
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