I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
Randomize
