The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
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