So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
We'll see haha. The cum didn't work...I just chewed the whole thing in a day.
I hope you meant gum...
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.