xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
yea i really dont care about the sex, i just want him to eat my vag. He has to be good at because of his tremors.
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher