Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.