Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
Randomize
