Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
Just sold all of my pants in order to buy tonight's whiskey. Goodbye, high functioning alcoholism. Hello, Dad.
No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
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