Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
it was frightening. in my opinion the only thing that should resemble a vagina is a vagina.
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
so he had an ashton kutcher Kelso haircurt. dude, we're in our mid to late 20s, I don't think we can ridicule guys for having hair anymore.
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
Randomize
