Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can't put those talents on a resume
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
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