Having a random hookup so left but love u
Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
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