people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
Randomize
