Jerry, you need to find god
New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
I think she kind of thinks she's better than us now ... please. I go to Michigan.
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
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