You can't special order awesome
What do you think she thinks of us?
I think she thinks we're whores... but ya I think she likes us
Fiestas. Its like a classier verson of mardi gras.
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
Randomize
