i think the world will end when pigs can fly. think about it, everyone says blah blah when pigs fly. so shit would be going down if they ever can.
oh fuck your right
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
so he had an ashton kutcher Kelso haircurt. dude, we're in our mid to late 20s, I don't think we can ridicule guys for having hair anymore.
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
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