I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
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