Could you imagine if a Skynet machine combination of Bob Ross and Chuck Norris were built? It would rule the universe with a soft spoken fan brush of kung fu dominance
It would be truly incredible. I hope we are blessed with this being in our lifetime.
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
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These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
Kellie accidentally ran into the car with two teenagers making out. made a big thud. there was a loud scream and she was gone...haven't seen her since
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
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You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
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