so I think I'm done having sex with her, she's way too crazy
what about the blowjobs for adderall?
no those are still okay
you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
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