It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
Randomize
