I want to stick my p in your. b.
it's a well known fact that sluts are attracted to bright colors
american apparel?
try lime green
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
Randomize
