And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
i woke up in his bed, he had my shirt on
and high school musical 3 was playing on his lap top
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
Randomize
