He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
you definitely made a grilled cheese using your iron..
ya and it worked didnt it??
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She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
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We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
Randomize