i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
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You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
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