i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
We shall study the pictures later and see if his penis is worth my time.
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
Randomize
