i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
Good call on the strip club last night. Everytime i smell some flowery candle or air freshener I get transported back to having my face firmly planted in Riah and Desire's tits.
You're welcome.
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
Randomize
