wake up i wanna do it froggy style
So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
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