the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
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Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
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If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
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