Jake was my 1st thought but I seriously thought u already did him... & then there's the getting the clap story... so I settled on Ben for my guess.
I have done Jake, not Ben. But this was fresh meat. And P.S. it was ghonnerea.
Ahh, yes. It's apparently too early in the morning to keep your partners and their std's straight.
apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
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Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
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Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
Randomize