you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
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I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
I guess when I black out I feel that it's not inappropriate to grope my gf in front of her parents.... But hey at least I'm starting off 2013 single
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
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