why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
Randomize
