you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
My butt remains clenched, sir.
Randomize
