Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
There is ecstasy everywhere. Get over here right no5w. The 5 is silent.
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
Randomize
