Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
....I found a picture of what appears to be the underneath side of the barstool (taken from the floor) and to top that, 9 pictures of the ceiling. Also, did I mention there's a picture with us posing with a pregnant lady at the bar?! WELP
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
Randomize
